This post started out as a telegram I received from Willie. I started ranting about some shit, and well. here it goes.
Willie kicks it off with a song.
8 Mile Poster
I don’t know about rap much any more. That song is good. Truth. From the heart. But it’s the reason I took down the 8 mile / Eminem poster in my room. Even though 8 mile is an awesome story, the imagery of it is someone who is trapped, or a victim of their environment. They are in a constant state of trying to escape. The poster doesn’t change, so when I look at the poster. I identify or empathize with a person who is a victim trying to make it. indefinitely.
The only solution is to take down the poster and just see yourself as someone who is making progress. constantly building.
And so the same goes with the music you listen to. so when he raps about being in a trapped state, or always being surrounded by shitty things. I just sort of glance at it, but don’t identify with it. I may attach it to something in my past. cause that would be a shitty life to live currently.
Your present moment needs to be congruent with where you’re headed.
I look at d12 now, and I just think its junk music. and dumb. But I know why I loved it back then. school was a complete waste of time, I was just looking for ways to kill time or empathize with something.
I actually used to judge a video games goodness by how much time it sank. Like Christ! That’s terrible, and that’s school for ya.
‘Cause you cant take control of your life in that environment. You know nothing matters for 3 years. Your not living your life, your a byproduct of someone elses, your just taking orders from people. It’s like self destructive behavior. A disconnection, a mental playground. School doesn’t let you do anything your own way. School takes our balls away.
But as I say this, I can’t fall victim to that mindset either, that school somehow still affects my life. Gotta let it go like that painbody stuff Tolle talks about. The past doesn’t exist.
/rant (then i start to write more on the subject for blog)
And so even our friends can keep us in a place. Keeping up appearances, but not changing much. This hierarchy or whatever social construct we have is enforced or reinforced every time we meet up. So if someone changes in some way what happens? They no longer fit. and it is uncomfortable to not fit in. but it is necessary to growing as a person.
So I conclude that taking breaks from friends is healthy. As you get the freedom to move freely through life. And experience new things.
So my thought process is, are we really having a good time, or are we just reinforcing where we fit in, in this life.
What do we truly value more? Fitting in, or doing what we want.
Friday nights start to feel like an escape to me. Or an empathization of this ‘struggle’ of life. Because I want to explore new things. Behind the knee jerk reaction of clinging onto something… it’s truly what I want to do. Even though it is scary. It’s what we need to do. and everyone else should do the same.
And I am not dissing any friend by saying this stuff, like someone is bringing someone else down. All our friends have mad talent, smarts, and ability.
In fact all people have mad talent. But most people will never realize this because they let school tell them what talent is, and what forms it comes in.
This ‘body’ that is the group. This collective being. What’s controlling it? Directing it? Where is it taking us? I don’t know. Are we letting the world feed us activities to do? Are we waiting for another person to tell us where to go?
Fitting In To The Grave
That’s how people fail in life. Always following / compromising and trying to fit into whatever situation they are put in. Basically begging for someone to put them in a place. Because fitting in is taught from families, early school, later school, and work. They taught you to put your wants aside and fit in. and the only person that loses is you. because you let them.
You Will Never Fit In
Until you pop your head out of the sand and realize this shit. You don’t need to fit in, and the truth is you never will fit in.
You are unique in ways no one can match. So how could anyone else know what you want out of your life? It’s your job to figure it out. and start living it.
Or am I losing my mind? … … …uh oh… do I desire a sense of togetherness again? Do ‘we’ follow eachother?
The desire is to simply be heard, and for everyone to understand in their separate way. What’s true for someone doesn’t have to be true for everyone.
I heard this Asha guy say that the more ‘together’ we try to be, the more alone we become.
I get it.