Grinding the Present Moment

Just dropping some little bombs. I don’t have any bunker busters at the moment.

Mental noise: I keep noticing how much noise there is in my head. Whenever I notice it, it disappears. This is a type of meditation that anyone can practice throughout the day. It’s important to note that having silence in your head does not make you a zombie. It makes you relaxed but more alert. Carrying a head full of noise does the opposite: it makes you tense and distracted. Being tense and distracted puts limits on what you can accomplish.

Grinding the present: I find it useful to remind myself that the present moment is the only place where anything gets done.

Free will & spontaneity: Back in the day, I busted some philosophy speed-runs with Shuba and his kin. The conclusion was that free will does not exist. Our brain is a calculator that solves problems by choosing the best option according to what we value. For example, a person who values standing out in a crowd is more likely to dress in unusual clothes, but their decisions are still made according to an underlying process which they have no control over. If you ask them why they are wearing a sombrero in February, they might tell you they are a free spirit when it comes to fashion. If free will does not exist, then they are simply bound by differently-assigned variables, and the sombrero is the end result of these different values.

This might sound like a depressing perspective on life, one which paints humans as souls imprisoned within robotic shells. Each human pursues whatever comes naturally to them; what is natural for one person is different for the next. Committing crimes comes naturally to some people. After waking up in jail, their brain might re-assign certain values and a “new person” may emerge from a brain that previously valued drugs and money above all else.

This is what I really wanted to discuss: does a person actually emerge from their thoughts? Your thoughts are a reflection of your values, which are not consciously controlled, and so the self which emerges from our thoughts is also uncontrolled. This artificial self is sometimes called the ego. It exists as an interface between the brain and the outside world. It is a structure of repetitive thoughts. When a person’s values change, their thoughts change, and so the ego changes; a “new person” emerges with a new purpose in life.

“Free will doesn’t exist?! You can’t take my freedom!”
The point is that (1) not only does free will not exist, but (2) there was never a self to “possess” free will in the first place.

” … First you take my freedom, and now you’re saying I don’t even exist?!”
Your true identity is inseparable from you because it is you. It cannot be taken away. The ego, on the other hand, is just a thought which disappears every night when you go to bed. The ego’s structure appears rock solid because it is so repetitive. When we examine this repetitive structure, however, we see that it is just mental noise. How could mental noise ever hope to have free will?

When illusions like the ego and free will are washed away, what’s left is real freedom – the selfless and perfect way of the universe.

World-building 101: Yo, enough of this pansy-ass philosophical mumbo-jumbo. Let’s get back into the real world so we can start building fake worlds. This is a new branch of learning for me, so it’s not really World-building 101. It’s more like World-building for Pre-schoolers. I’ve already put this project on hold so I can finish some older stuff, but I thought it’d be fun to post some noobfoolery in action.

(1) First, I used everyone’s favorite artsy program to make a 400 x 400 pixel masterpiece. Within moments, my phone was ringing off the hook. Every major art institute in North America was trying to throw scholarships my way, and I hadn’t even uploaded the mother yet.

Actually, I didn’t have a phone while making this.

(2) Next, I used Torque 3D’s terrain builder to upload my image as a texture. I slapped that beast down on top of some sand.

When creating worlds, it is important to nod your head to sick beats.

(3) Torque 3D has a default player character that you can use to explore right away.

Dude, you said we were going on a magical adventure… and now this?

The grass is the only thing that I created in that screenshot. It was a fun first step, and I’m looking forward to more advanced stuff like programming in TorqueScript and rendering my own 3D models.

Back to the grindstone.

The Senseless Struggle To Fit In. In Life

This post started out as a telegram I received from Willie. I started ranting about some shit, and well. here it goes.

Willie kicks it off with a song.

I respond…

8 Mile Poster

I don’t know about rap much any more. That song is good. Truth. From the heart. But it’s the reason I took down the 8 mile / Eminem poster in my room. Even though 8 mile is an awesome story, the imagery of it is someone who is trapped, or a victim of their environment. They are in a constant state of trying to escape. The poster doesn’t change, so when I look at the poster. I identify or empathize with a person who is a victim trying to make it. indefinitely.

The only solution is to take down the poster and just see yourself as someone who is making progress. constantly building.

And so the same goes with the music you listen to. so when he raps about being in a trapped state, or always being surrounded by shitty things. I just sort of glance at it, but don’t identify with it. I may attach it to something in my past. cause that would be a shitty life to live currently.

Your present moment needs to be congruent with where you’re headed.


I look at d12 now, and I just think its junk music. and dumb. But I know why I loved it back then. school was a complete waste of time, I was just looking for ways to kill time or empathize with something.

I actually used to judge a video games goodness by how much time it sank. Like Christ! That’s terrible, and that’s school for ya.

‘Cause you cant take control of your life in that environment. You know nothing matters for 3 years. Your not living your life, your a byproduct of someone elses, your just taking orders from people. It’s like self destructive behavior. A disconnection, a mental playground. School doesn’t let you do anything your own way. School takes our balls away.

Mental Traps

But as I say this, I can’t fall victim to that mindset either, that school somehow still affects my life. Gotta let it go like that painbody stuff Tolle talks about. The past doesn’t exist.

/rant (then i start to write more on the subject for blog)

And so even our friends can keep us in a place. Keeping up appearances, but not changing much. This hierarchy or whatever social construct we have is enforced or reinforced every time we meet up. So if someone changes in some way what happens? They no longer fit. and it is uncomfortable to not fit in. but it is necessary to growing as a person.


So I conclude that taking breaks from friends is healthy. As you get the freedom to move freely through life. And experience new things.

So my thought process is, are we really having a good time, or are we just reinforcing where we fit in, in this life.

What do we truly value more? Fitting in, or doing what we want.

Friday nights start to feel like an escape to me. Or an empathization of this ‘struggle’ of life. Because I want to explore new things. Behind the knee jerk reaction of clinging onto something… it’s truly what I want to do. Even though it is scary. It’s what we need to do. and everyone else should do the same.

And I am not dissing any friend by saying this stuff, like someone is bringing someone else down. All our friends have mad talent, smarts, and ability.

Mad Talent

In fact all people have mad talent. But most people will never realize this because they let school tell them what talent is, and what forms it comes in.

This ‘body’ that is the group. This collective being. What’s controlling it? Directing it? Where is it taking us? I don’t know. Are we letting the world feed us activities to do? Are we waiting for another person to tell us where to go?

Fitting In To The Grave

That’s how people fail in life. Always following / compromising and trying to fit into whatever situation they are put in. Basically begging for someone to put them in a place. Because fitting in is taught from families, early school, later school, and work. They taught you to put your wants aside and fit in. and the only person that loses is you. because you let them.

You Will Never Fit In

Until you pop your head out of the sand and realize this shit. You don’t need to fit in, and the truth is you never will fit in.

You are unique in ways no one can match. So how could anyone else know what you want out of your life? It’s your job to figure it out. and start living it.

Or am I losing my mind? … … …uh oh… do I desire a sense of togetherness again? Do ‘we’ follow eachother?


The desire is to simply be heard, and for everyone to understand in their separate way. What’s true for someone doesn’t have to be true for everyone.

I heard this Asha guy say that the more ‘together’ we try to be, the more alone we become.

I get it.

Lone Samurais Walking The Earth

Be Thankful

I went to this guys church, a man who travels Canada and spreads the good word. He doesn’t ask for money on his TV shows that air every morning. He doesn’t charge admission for his entertaining and engaging sermons. He sells DVD’s with his messages in them, available at his shows or sermons. He’s been doing this for about 7 years.

He told us that if you want to be truly happy, you must develop an attitude of gratitude.

He told us that being thankful is a learned feeling. You can learn to feel thankful for everything you have, everything that’s around you.

There is also the Law of Reciprocation. If someone does something good for me, I feel obligated to do something good for them.

Being in a constant attitude of gratitude, you will naturally feel the need to give back, or to contribute.

The Attitude of Gratitude and the Law of Reciprocation combination is the most powerful force in the world. It will absolutely consume your life as it does with anyone who is authentically successful.

You can even meditate and focus on simply feeling this feeling of gratitude without thinking about anything specific. Take short pauses throughout the day to feel thankful.

Be thankful, and become unstoppable.

Who is your hero?

It’s said that if you want to become great at something, you have to put your whole life into it.

When I find myself being lazy and wasting time, my heroes become a source of inspiration that helps me get back in gear.

Bruce Lee is one of my idols for representing what a person can achieve through a lifetime of practice. Not only did he strive for physical and technical perfection through continual training, but he sought to rid himself of any mental blocks that could weaken him as a martial artist.

*Crunch crunch* … who is this?

Willie is what I used to be called, so I’m going to go with that.

My to-do list is all about writing, drawing and meditating.

I think the highest forms of art put you in another world, and I want to attain that level in both my writing and drawing.

My meditation is directed toward self-discovery.

I’ll talk more about these things later. It is time to sleep well… or else.

Introductions, get em over with!

My name is Clayton Kashuba, nicknamed Shuba.

What you will hear from me is rants on philosophy and life, outlooks, rants on people. I mostly try to keep it positive, but I may explode.

My goals in life are simple. make a lot of money, maintain good relationships, maintain high spirits, maintain development of skills and learning. physical fitness!

The thing I noticed about life is that we literally choose what kind of world we live in. We can choose to be a victim and live in a harsh world, we can choose to be afraid and live in a dangerous world, we can choose to be happy and live in a fun world, we can choose to be responsible and live in a world we create everyday.

Our rewards in life will be directly related to our contributions.

That is the world to be lived in.